1. No fruity cocktails (unless you're in the Bahamas)
2. No light beers
3. No white wine (unless you're sharing a bottle chosen by beautiful ladies)
4. No champagne (unless you're a rich, black man, or just celebrating something. For example- New Years Eve.)
5. No slammers- Irish Car-bombs, Jager Bombs, Sake Bombs... basically anything with the word "bomb" in it. This makes you appear as part of the drunk, college crowd.
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| Did someone remember the flamethrower? |
So, what is the best drink to order while trying to impress a beautiful girl?
I've broken it down into 2 basic categories that will help you decide, based on location, social status, and situation:
#1 Classy
When your suit and tie are your wingmen...
Usually when we think "classy drinking", the first thing that comes to mind is the Martini. It's mysterious, strong, and rich people seem to drown in them constantly. I mean, hell, James Bond drinks them!
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| "Q, which button do I press for a refill?" |
The reality is, though, if you're not wearing a tuxedo or fucking up Russian spies, then drinking a Martini will most likely come across as pretentious. It makes you seem like you're trying too hard; like you're just copying the movies. Here are a few suggestions to think about next time you're donning the suit and tie downtown:
The Manhattan
Although fairly similar to a standard Martini, this drink usually includes some sort of aged rye whiskey, sweet vermouth, bitters, and sometimes a cherry or orange or both. It's believed to have been originally concocted in the "Manhattan Club" in New York City in the 1870s, but of course everyone argues about its origin. Either way, it's a good way to hold a classy air while still seeming down to Earth.
Served in: Martini glass
Strength: 8/10
Drinkability: Moderate to difficult, unless you LOVE whiskey
Old Fashioned
If you, like I, prefer to drink out of a rocks glass while still preserving some sort of sophistication (without the raised pinky and stuffiness associated with a martini glass), then the Old Fashioned is perfect for you. For god's sake... it's the staple drink of Don Draper!Did you notice how I didn't link it to a recipe? That's because the Old Fashioned is also one of the most butchered cocktails in drinking history.
So I'll share my favorite recipe with you:
1. Muddle a sugar cube, a maraschino cherry, and a couple splashes of bitters together in a rocks glass.
2. Add ice, a few shots of your favorite aged bourbon
3. Top with a thin swirl of peeled orange rind.
This drink will always be made differently, but it will never fail at striking a classy air to your night that says more "1920s gangster" than "boring millionaire at a charity benefit".
Served in: Rocks ("old fashioned") glass
Strength: 5-9/10 (depending on how it's made)
Drinkability: Moderate, as long as you enjoy whiskey
Other great drinks include tried-and-true favorites such as:
Scotch (neat or on rocks)
Vodka (neat, on rocks, or with a splash/twist).
Maybe (just maybe... this is situational) a glass of red wine.
Rum DOES NOT belong on this list. Neither does anything mixed with coke... even the most expensive Scotch, when mixed with soda, just makes you appear either weak or old. Learn to drink it straight if you really want to drink scotch.
#2 Casual
When your goal is simply to have a good time...
This is where the lines get blurry. You're dressy/casual, out with friends, just down to have a good time. Of course you also are trying to impress the ladies! This is where most of the wing man action comes into play, and where 75% of first times conversations start. When you're in a "classy" situation with a girl, you either already know her and it's a date, or you're rich enough to pick up girls by buying them $30 cocktails. I doubt many of my readers are there.
So what do you drink while with your friends that'll help you stand out from the norm? Here are a few of my favorites:
An uncommon domestic bottled beer, such as (my favorites): Racer 5 IPA, Firestone Double Jack, and Dogfish 60 minute IPA,
or an uncommon imported bottled beer, such as: Kirin Ichiban (Japan), or Steinlager (New Zealand).
The important thing is to drink what you know. Chose a domestic beer that is delicious, and somewhat local. Learn a few things about their brewery, so when you're asked what you're drinking, you can provide a couple tidbits on information. This helps you to seem like you enjoy drinking, not just getting drunk.
If you notice, all three of my domestic favorites are very strong, very unique, and two of them are in California. I've been to the breweries, and know a few things I can offer up when asked about the peculiar bottle in my hand. Hence why I suggest bottled beer, not draft... along with the fact that a bottle is much harder to spill in a crowd.
Beer spilled on yourself is bad, beer spilled on a girl is much, much worse.
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| This is an exception... I think we ALL want her to spill... |
An off-beat mixed drink can be a great way stand out too.
Vodka Red Bull? Overplayed.
Whiskey Red Bull? Different, and interesting enough that she might let you buy one for her so she can try.
Switch it up. Drink what you like. Avoid bright colors, always ditch garnishes, and never EVER mix anything with soda. Soda is the drink of children. If you must, choose something like Sprite.
And seriously, don't spend all night drinking shots.
A shot of whiskey may seem "rough and tough", but it also makes you look like you just left a college party.
However, a round of Kamakazi shooters, although they may be considered "pussy" in the shot world, are cheaper, tastier, and much easier to pound with a laugh and a smile! They leave your breath tasting fresh like lime, and (most importantly) are much less likely to scare away women who might want to join in on the fun.
Just remember: the things that impress your "bros" are not usually the things that impress women. Have more fun, be less loud, and be more interesting than abrasive.
Don't be bland, and don't be Bond.
Just remember a few simple rules and you can hit the bars this weekend with a little extra class.
Writing credit: Steven Dye
Photo credits: Whoever originally took them. You think anyone on my team has actually met Daniel Craig or Jon Hamm?
